2009年4月13日星期一

My Essay! Fight!



"Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding"

Exploration discovered people's history and created the culture of people. It is a great action of the country in the past, but do you know? Exploration can also brings us war, famish and death. In the ancient phase, people thought about how to develop there countries and increase their power. Exploration not only brought success to people, but also disclosed a ugly face of human. It made conflict and misunderstanding because people cannot reject the benefit in their eyes, so they think assume is the only way that can sufficient their thought. Exploration had caused the wave of the war between native people of Canada and Europeans, there were some clear experience of heroes, such as Cabot, Cartier and Colombo.

Cabot is a great explorer of Europe, he discovered new found land and other important resources. The next is neither land nor food, Cabot found a group of people that be called "Indian", that is the native people who live at the north America. For develop Europe, Cabot needed to get this place. New found land is the root of their power and the goal of this exploration. European requires to have this area, but native people are all strong and freedom. They were trying to resist and break the restriction of the sailors. Because of this, they all died and that is the result of assume one's country. Cabot brought their achievement to the kin of the Europe and built their powerful kingdom. By these knowledge, we know exploration not always give us happy end. This is a example that the explorer cause a tragedy.

Cartier decided to find new lands before the last exploration. He also got a good achievements by travel to the New found land, but all the good direction has a opposite way. There is also a conflict happened during this great venture. In the 1630s, Furs of Iroquois began to decline, French got a kind of special fur from Iroquois. They used beaver's skin to make hats. In the history of Canada, it was called "fur trade". The conflict the conflict pitted the nations of the Iroquois Confederation. Some of the Iroquois refuse to sell their beavers to French and against they backed. The wars were extremely brutal and are considered one of the bloodiest series of conflicts in the history of North America. It also determined the exploration is not a simple game that to find a new land. The risk is in everywhere during this journey.

Colombo is the first person who opened the gate of America. He adored Marco Polo from a long times and he had dreamed to find some gold. He had asked the kin of Portugal to get some money but failed. Than he was trying to get a boat by himself but he was found by the kin. Than because of his persistence, he was permitted to discover the new land and Finally he discovered a large land that more valuable than the gold. Unfortunately, his amazing active cause a number of people began to affect this area, migrations were like a hungered wolf come into these country. They recalled Marco's saying that " Gold is the most valuable thing of this world... ...If someone get gold, he will be come almighty! Even can make the spirit goes to the heaven. "The killers and effectors, can gold really make them go to the heaven?

Exploration had caused wave of the war between native people of Canada and Europeans, there were some clear experiences of heroes, such as Cabot, Cartier and Marco Polo. There are many unknown resources haven't been discovered yet. Sometimes we cannot touch the road in front of us. The future is like a foggy weather, we don't know who is going to welcome us at the destination, or there is no destination in this world. These three man are all built the great achievement of the history of exploration, but at the same time, they also brought the next emergency period to people. In every one's life, people cannot delete the conflict and misunderstanding completely. Only thing that we can make sure, that is we can choose our own ways to create our life. Find out the right way that we can figure them out and face our future actively.

2 条评论:

  1. Focus 3/4
    Body paragraph 3 is a bit confusing. How does gold connect to the topic?

    Organization 3/4
    Your thesis statement is a bit unclear.
    I like the way you write your conclusion. It is very engaging.

    Your body paragraphs are developed with ideas and examples.

    Content 3/4 You discuss some important things about exploration. Your third body paragraph is not clearly written.

    Usage 3/4
    Try to read your essay out load before you finish. You have some mistakes that can be fixed if you read it out loud.

    Style - 3/4 Don't end with a cliche.
    Use higher level vocabulary that you have learned.

    15/20 x2 = 30/40

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  2. I don't see your plan. I just see your essay. You should plan first before you write.

    0/10

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